We were feeling strident at the March R&B [who are you kidding? You pair are always strident/feisty/gobby etc. Ed], not to mention ambitious. And cross. The weather is having a nervous breakdown. The government are unmentionables. International Women’s Day has gone a bit fluffy, and millionaires are telling people they can’t have bedrooms. It’s all going to pot, my darlings. So, we’re toying with ‘Rally & Broad: Political Party’. And because we love you all so very much, we’re asking for help in the forming of it. Specifically, in the drawing up of our HUmanifesto [thank you, Minion Charlie for the ‘HU’. Credit where credit is…due. Ed]. Our delightful audience did not disappoint, even if some points where more…random…than others. Here’s what we got.
The Rally & Broad HUmanifesto [Draft. Ed]
1: A parliament of owls!
2: A free round of applause when you’re on the walk of pride home.
3: *This* 4 Prime Minister (picture of a unicorn/chicken/dragon hybrid with human fists)
4: Wind turbines are pretty and we want them in our backyards (no NIMBYS!!)
5: Save the apostrophe! (Like the whale)
6: Tea should be available at all events (inc. this one!) [Terribly sorry .Tea and other hot beverages are always available in the Blind Poet down the stairs… – Ed.]
7: An amazing cabaret!
8: Soup is vomit and shall be outlawed!
9: Get rid of the bedroom tax (and admit you just didn’t think it through. Twats.)
10: Ship all the super-rich to Dubai. AND KEEP THEM THERE.
11: a SKELETON for every man, woman and child…
12: NO stealing of other flatmates’ food whilst drunk. [Did we spy the Broad’s ex-flatmate in the audience, by any chance? Ed.]
13: Entitlement for all: Regular time with friends or family. Preferably drunken, or decadent, with free booze or drug or chocolate allocation.
14: Implement a system of land-value taxtion a la ‘The Land’ protest song.
15: Beat the bedroom tax!
16: People who save other peoples’ lives should be paid more than bankers.
17: TV licence folks not allowed to harass people who don’t have a TV!!
18: Ban McDonalds. Yuck!
19: 3 day work week for all.
20: Free biscuits always.
21: Teach 5 year olds moral philosophy.
22: National Curriculum to include mandatory whimsy lessons 🙂
24: Free swimming and stuff one month a year, no, all year.
25: Replace bonfire night with shove a banger up a Tory night. [Ouch. But we applaud you, madam/sir – Ed.]
26: Every street should have a poet laureate.
27: We don’t go to work, we generally strike – this is better than even God intended.
28: Politics/ Poetics.
29: The welfare system is FLAGSHIP and something to be proud of!
We’re going to draw these up into something coherent by the next R&B…We Call Upon The Author To Explain….Friday April 19th, in the BRAND NEW EXCITING ONE TIME ONLY VENUE of…The Bongo Club!
In the meantime, if you would like to suggest additions to our HUmanifesto [seriously? Are we keeping this? – Ed.], add them to the comments, tweet them to us @RallyandBroad, leave us FB messages, shout them at us in the street….
LET’S DO IT ALL TOGETHER, FOLKS!
[I give up. – Ed.]