In which Rally & Broad promised to write two new poems for lovely audience members of Forward, March!, on the themes of their choosing.
[We did not, however, promise they’d be any good – Ed.]
Elric was always a curious boy, whose mind was swift and cunning,
He once sold fags round the bike sheds at school, selling drags for pocket money.
When he turned 18, his most dear-held dream, was to use the occult to make life sunnier,
He put his mind to use (and googled a spell) and he summoned the Killer Bunnies.
Six foot tall and raised on tripe, with eyes like ten-days-on Bucky,
Fluffy as slippers and scary as hell, to cross one is quite unlucky,
They rob you of soul, they rip out your heart, they fill you with gas and sad babbling,
They jump you when you least expect, like on your way home from an Edinburgh cabaret.
Rally & Broad, two innocent lassies, were swinging their way back to home,
When from out of the blue, two pink eyes fixed on them and chilled them to their bones,
Then, quick as a flash, the Killer Bunnies flashed rage, and left them bereft in the gloam,
Lacking mind and focus is a terrible thing, and that is their sad excuse for this poem…
Life, The Universe and Everything’
Life, The Universe and Everything walk into a bar.
Everything flirts cocktails from the barman, pouts pretty and begs for a Pina Colada.
The Universe sits heavy, eventually nods to the Scotch.
But Life’s been wishing, waiting on a star
and so orders a Margarita, longing for the salt, the sour,
lips rough crystals from the rim, hides tears, tongues lime.
They sit in silence for a time
before Everything breaks brittle, all at once.
‘What’s the matter, Life? You asked us to meet you here.
We heard you wishing, waiting on that star.’
Life sniffs. Turns with brimming eyes, glares
at The Universe, at Everything.
‘I want answers. I want a reason. I’m old enough, I guess
I want to know why you brought me here, it’s time to address
The Big Question.’
The Universe rises. Downs the Scotch and
walks from the bar with gravitas.
‘Perhaps it’s Time. But you’ll get no answers from The Universe.
It’s a little preoccupied these days
and has some questions of its own.
You need to know, Life, we love you.
You were our proudest
Oh, we were wild back then, so young and hot,
it was all mercury and tequila shots, and we thought
It was Mr Universe in those days.
But answers? No.
We didn’t know
What you’d do with all that heat.
The way it goes.
It’s all up to Time now.
But keep the faith, my love. Keep wishing on that star.’
Scooping up coat and purse, Everything goes.
Life pays the bill
to tip the barman.