[*we take no responsibility for this. Ah, audiences, our audiences…Also, we do really like Dalkeith]
The Christmas Ballad of Rally & Broad
‘Twas the end of the year in Edinburgh
and the zombies were wearing Christmas jumpers
showing Santa shagging his reindeer
but the reindeer preferred to discuss Lichtenstein.
(does a Christmas poem have to rhyme?)
(Sometimes they must, otherwise what is the fun?)
(The fun is in satisfying the need, not whether they must)
Have a merry Christmas, go all in or bust,
Doesn’t it remind you of the Fleetwood Mac album ‘Tusk’,
When eating so much turkey overwhelms you with lust?
But I’m having Christmas in Dalkeith and the guy in the jumper said it would be shit,
From Dalkeith to Corstorphine, we flit west to ensure we’ll be fine,
And revel in Care No More wine,
We’ll turn the Christmas globe upside down…
Globes like boobs, it’s all I write about…
I’m spoilt for choice in the boozed town,
In love or beer or wine to drown
MERRY FUCKIN’ XMAS ALL AROUND!