Never has Earsham been so lauded.

We do love to stretch our audience’s artistic glands. At Rally & Broad’s last outing, ‘Ye Dancin’?’ (May 2014), we went for a bit of good ol’ poetry bingo – our esteemed poets and artists gave us some words that would be guaranteed to pepper their sets, and waited for ‘HOUSE’. And just to flavour it further, we promised a free ticket to our season finale to the best* poem that could be made up from the words on the bingo cards.

*best proved a tricky concept for us to qualify. Oh we tried, readers, we tried, but Rally & Broad are different and passionate beasts in their own fiery ways and had to agree to differ before fur flew. Thus, we have three winners: Rally’s Favourite, Broad’s Favourite and Definitely Most Amusing. 

Anyway. Thanks to all! You are most marvellous. xx



Rally’s Favourite 

I wrapped my dreams up long ago

clingfilmed ambitions for my one man show,

catalogued in the Library of my mind

Unashamed, I’ve told myself  ‘they’re easy to find’.


I’ve busied myself with pseudo education

Parroting Ted Talks like a fountain of information

But now I can no longer hold onto it all,

Like a gecko on a teflon pan, I’m starting to fall.


No man is an island but i have been a yacht

Pushing away the talent I’ve got

Hiding out on the pacific seas

hoping that nobody notices me.


But now I notice my own reflection

‘Lines on my forehead.

My party is getting late.

The dancers gone to bed.’


But before the music has ended I’ll smoke the joint of life,

Cut off a slice of pie with a suspended knife,

Smother it in cream

Fuck the prayers to God, just devour the dream.






Broad’s Favourite

‘What Ted did’

Ted travels.

Aberdeen one week, Earsham the next,

the middle of the Pacific if he can reach it.

Always on a bus, or a yacht,

or a plane, or whatever you’ve got.

He travels.

The journey is the destination,

each stop a new beginning,

the buffet car his staple diet.

But today he sits quiet

ignoring the bagged sausage roll,

dog earing a stolen libary book.

Six Rule of Public Speaking.

For the award ceremony, for bravery.

And two more: Caring for Geckos,

and How To Roast A Joint

for fun.

And he’d stand in front of them,

and tell them

how he’d pulled that girl from the

burning library.

How he’d thought nothing of it,

How anyone would have done the same.

But he didn’t.

He didn’t.

He didn’t know the man who did.

Not personally,

but he told Ted he could take

the credit.

It’d never make the final edit

to the ears of the well-heeled,

well meaning types, with mint leaves

in their water.

So unashamed, he told them.

It was him.

He did it on a whim.

He’d been given free reign.

He could embellish the hour,

where, why and when of it.

So the unknown man could help

his sadness benefit.


(Gavin Cameron)






Definitely Most Amusing 


He still kept his head

Event when we were getting red

And I don’t like to get too specific

But he took me clean across the Pacific

He said ‘come with me on my yacht…’

But I said NOT

‘You’re missing the point

And give me that joint

I love poetry, you wanna hear some?’

He said ‘Fuck no, I’m from Earsham.’


(Vicki Jarrett)


  1. Reblogged this on Gavin Cameron and commented:
    There’s a reason you rarely see my work on the Web. When you send work to publishers or competitions, their rules normally stipulate that the work must not have been published elsewhere, including paper books and online. This entry is a rare exception.
    On Friday 23rd May, I had the privilege to see Rally & Broad, Luke Wright, Lake Montgomery and Alan Bissett for the second time, plus others for the first time. At the event, the organisers ran a Poetry Bingo competition, encouraging the audience to circle off twelve words as they heard them in the show. In addition, there was a challenge to use these twelve words in an original poem, and the winner would receive a ticket to the last show of the season. I’m pleased to report I was one of three winners, and my effort is below.

    Note that the last four lines are slightly incorrect because my handwriting was terrible, but I actually quite like the published version. Those few words lend it a different tone. The correct words are:

    He could make up the
    how, where, why and when of it.
    So the unknown rescuer
    could keep his sickness benefit.

    See which one you prefer.

    1. Ah – so sorry for the typos, Gavin – I was rather struggling with the handwriting after reading so many entries! Will amend now.

      Thank you for writing,

      Rally & Broad

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