The Apology Shop – Glasgow!

Proof of the pudding, the cake and the runaway coo…photos from Rally & Broad: The Apology Shop, Stereo, Glasgow on Sunday 25th January. With stupendous performances from Shambles Miller, Carly Brown, Kevin Gilday, Texture (aka Bram E Gieben) and the makar hersel, Liz Lochhead. With due nods made to Rabbie Burns (there was a haggis in the raffle). Sorry for NOTHING! xx

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The Apology Shop – Edinburgh!

Pictures! The Apology Shop @The Bongo Club, Edinburgh on Friday 23rd January. With Christopher Willatts (and special guest Toby Mottershead), Emily Dodd, special guest Ryan Van Winkle […it was a special guest kinda night… Ed.], Francesca Beard, the mighty Hector Bizerk, Rally, the Broad & hunners of audience. It was a Good Show. 

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Who Here…Needs To Apologise?

Roll up & own up…to open the Glasgow Apology Shop, we asked the audience to consider some possible sins…*

[*with thanks to Francesca Beard for placing the idea in our soggy brains at her wonderful masterclass the day before!]


Who Here…?

Who here has something to apologise for?

Who here wants an apology from someone?

Who here has eaten a whole onion?

Who here has swum in the sea in winter?

Who here took a gap year?

Who here has watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy (extended version, Director’s Cut) in one sitting?

Who here wants to go home?

Who here knows where home is?

Who here has wanted to run away from home, even though they’re an adult and live alone?

Who here really likes Miley Cyrus?

Who here likes wrecking balls?

Who here has made their own soap?

Who here has lucky pants?

Who here has stalked someone on Facebook?

Who here has had a stalker?

Who here wants a hug?

Who here wants to be left the fuck alone?

Who here has made love with someone as if they wanted these two things at the same time?

Who here has urinated in the ocean?

Who here has eaten their flatmate’s lunch?

Who here forgot their very good friend’s 32nd birthday?

[stop it, you two… Ed.]

Who here has had sex with the wrong person?

Who here has been so love in someone that they can’t be in the same room as them without needing to physically touch them?

Who here thinks that is love?

Who here has vomited spaghetti?

Who here likes cats?

Who here has apologised to God even though they are an aetheist?

Who here has been consciously cruel?

Who here has harmed an animal?

Who here has tried to be vegan?

Who here thinks the internet should come with a breathaliser?

Who here has broken a law?

Who here has committed a crime?

Who here desperately tries not to give a fuck?

Who here has caused hurt?

Who here has nothing to apologise for?


Six Questions For… Kevin Gilday!

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Kevin Gilday is the featured spoken word act at Rally & Broad: The Apology Shop! (Glasgow) at Stereo, 2.30pm, Sunday 25th Jan. He is also one of the Loud Poets team who launch in Glasgow at The Old Hairdresser’s on Thurs 5th Feb. Tickets for The Apology Shop available here: http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/rally-broad-the-apology-shop-glasgow-tickets-15141804545

1: You’re a Man Who Loves Beer. Tell us more.

Well I love beer, maybe a wee bit too much sometimes, so I decided to write a show about it. It’s part spoken word, part drunken monologue about nights out, sexual misadventures, casual addiction, crippling hangovers – all the good stuff really. It ran for three weeks at the fringe and is now touring all over the place, including a week of shows at the Toronto fringe in July. (Cheap plug!) The next performance will be at The Old Hairdressers on 19th Jan (with the lovely Agnes Török).

2: Slams, 10 – 20 minute sets, one man shows. What do you get out of each of these types of performance?

I’ve taken to thinking about this in terms of music/bands… Doing a full solo show is definitely the most gratifying format – like doing a full album with all the singles, album tracks and weird stuff that all comes together as a cohesive whole – you get to tell a story without skipping the interesting bits in between. Doing a guest slot is like doing a festival set – you’ve only got a limited amount of time so batter out the greatest hits and hope someone enjoys it enough to look you up afterwards. And slams are like being on (dated cultural reference alert!) Top of the Pops, or whatever the modern equivalent is, you might only get to perform one piece so you better make it a good one.

3: You’ve been gigging pretty steadily for quite some time. What drew you into the spoken word scene?

I think there’s an independence of spirit to the spoken word scene that’s really attractive to me. Everything is pretty much DIY – folk just deciding to run a night, or put on a slam, or start printing pamphlets – there are no established rules yet so we’re all just making it up as we go along. The other aspect is being self-reliant. For ages I was in bands – writing, rehearsing, playing gigs – and as anyone who has ever been in a band will tell you, it’s a massive hassle trying to co-ordinate four or five people. But with spoken word it’s easy, I don’t need to rely on anyone else, I don’t need to lug about any heavy equipment – I can basically perform anywhere at anytime – and that kind of freedom is incredibly liberating.

4: The life of a performing poet can be a mixed bag. Best gig/ worst gig: spill!

In terms of the size of the crowd and the emotions involved, I think performing at the Yes rally the day before the referendum was probably the best gig I’ve ever experienced. I only performed one piece (and had to take out the swearing!) but it was an incredible experience – a feedback loop of pure optimism. I’ll never forget the feeling I had afterwards.

I’ve done a few rotten gigs in my time but I think the worst(/funniest) was during my fringe run a couple of years ago. I had a late night slot in a venue without a door (bad start), had to chuck some guy out for signing Partick Thistle songs, engage another audience member in a debate about the merits of Ikea, started a fight with some loud gentlemen outside and half the audience left in despair. Ended the night crying into my pint.

5: The Scottish spoken word scene was recently described by The List as being “in rude health.” Do you agree? (and feel free to elaborate!!)

I do. I’ve only been involved in spoken word for a few years and even in that short time I’ve seen things develop. I think the main pillar of progression has been variety. There’s an incredible strength in depth to the scene right now, you can go along to any open mic and see people perform slam style, hip hop influenced, comedic, traditional, scots and any other kind of poetry you can think of. We now have genres within our niche little movement and that’s something that’ll allow the scene to expand into different strands as we become more recognised.

6: Finally, the theme of this month’s Rally & Broad is ‘The Apology Shop.’ How will you be interpreting that, if at all, in your set?

I’m still working on a way to tenuously link my set but I’ll certainly be apologising in advance for my language!


 More about Kevin: Kevin is the winner of the StAnza Digital Slam, the Creative Stirling Slam and a two time Scottish National Slam finalist. He is the presenter of Rhyming Optional, Subcity Radio’s dedicated Spoken Word show, and has performed all over the country including the Edinburgh Fringe and Glastonbury Festival. He will be taking his critically acclaimed show The Man Who Loved Beer for a run of shows at the Toronto Fringe in 2015.

Welcome to…The Apology Shop! Sunday 25th Jan, Glasgow

Rally & Broad: The Apology Shop! Sunday 25th January, 230pm. Stereo, Renfield Lane, Glasgow. £5




Well…sometimes. Sometimes, it’s late, and you’ve come crashing in at 3am after a most excellent Tuesday night out on the tiles, with plenty of dancing shoes and perhaps a few more gins than one ought to have quaffed, and there, in the glowing refrigerator light, is a packet of pristine sushi. And maybe, just maybe, your darling flatmate who-has-to-get-up-for-work-in-4-hours-time wouldn’t miss just one, just ONE piece, although it really would be better with a sliver of pickled ginger and just the faintest dab of wasabi, and whoopsydaisy, now there isn’t any left but she loves you, really, doesn’t she, and she can always get more from the shop as she runs to the bus, and isn’t it raining and…

….and it is 4pm the following day, and you have finally woken up, and this time, friends, comrades. This time, is when you will need to go to the Apology Shop.

For instance. As an example. Ahem.


Come join us for an afternoon celebrating apologies, chagrin, regret, shame and all permutations thereof…or not. This lot have nothing to apologise for.

Rally & Broad present…



‘Her pulse [is] the racing, faltering pulse of a nation obsessed with identity and self-analysis. For 25 years, Lochhead has been the distinctive female voice of Scotland. Gallus, inquisitive, accusing and playful. Angry and tender by turns’

(The Scotsman)

The Scottish Makar nigh needs no introduction, does she? Liz has performed a few times on the Rally & Broad stage, and has provoked, outraged and delighted us every time. Poet and dramatist, as Anne Varty wrote, ‘her work is that of one woman speaking to many,  and one person speaking for many’. The Scotsman, Read more about her and her work below – and better still, come and see her in person, on the day celebrating the Scottish Bard.







Words about rapper, activist and writer Darren ‘Loki’ McGarvey:

“A powerful grassroots political orator of resonant lyrical ability… [a] strongly expressed work rich in soulful, old school beats.”
**** – The Scotsman

“Scottish hip-hop’s Chairman of the Board.” 

– The Skinny

And for G.I.M.P (Government Issue Music Protest), his entirely crowdfunded album released in 2014.
“A piece of work that demands and deserves multiple listens… all wrapped up in a coherent time-travel dystopian audio-novel… Now there, as they say, is yir dinner.”
– Dave Hook, Stanley Odd

“An Orwellian dystopia where Dr. Peter Capaldi drives a Bitcoin-operated time machine between Gotham City and Govan with a smacked-up Marty McFly in the boot singing The Wall by Pink Floyd as the Doc cranks up Spotify… A masterpiece… layered with storylines and sub-plots, metaphors and philosophy, characters and narrative, sex and drugs, war and poverty, lies and integrity, love and hate, imagination and reality, genetically modified wasps and eh cats …. lyrically this is a work of art… They may even just be bumping it in the New Glasgow slums in the year 2034.”
– Mark McG, The Girobabies





Kirsty Logan is an award winning writer of short fiction and journalism. Her first book, a collection of short stories entitled ‘The Rental Heart and Other Fairytales’ arrived in 2014,  twenty tales of lust and loss featuring clockwork hearts, lascivious queens, paper men, island circuses, and a flooded world. And as a geekish aside, we love the fact that she moonlights writing about The X-Files (in really, REALLY brilliant detail) for the The Female Gaze.





Kevin P. Gilday is a writer and spoken word artist (amongst other things) living and working in Glasgow, Scotland He’s the winner of the StAnza Digital Slam, the Creative Stirling Slam and a two time Scottish National Slam finalist; the presenter of Rhyming Optional, Subcity Radio’s dedicated Spoken Word show, and has performed all over the country including the Edinburgh Fringe and Glastonbury Festival. And he’s just lovely to boot.





Shambles first performed with Rally & Broad at the Tron in the spring of 2014, and we vowed to have him back. And here he is, just for you. Yes, you. The one at the back. Stop picking your nose. He’s for you. He writes and sings songs. He hopes you like them.



See ye at the front? Ours is a thimbleful of regret and a large helping of humble pie (and sushi).


I’m So Sorry…Rally & Broad: ‘The Apology Shop!’ Edinburgh, Jan 23rd.

Friday 23rd January, 7pm. The Bongo Club, Cowgate, Edinburgh. £5.

‘The Apology Shop’: defn (verb). The activity undertaken when one has caused offence and/or upset in order to demonstrate due shame, and apologise to one’s partner/spouse/friend/flatmate/neighbour/hamster. Most often includes the purchase of chocolate/cake/wine/flowers/jigsaws/AA batteries/engine oil/replacement lunch items. Ahem.

‘The Apology Shop’: defn (noun). The shop to which one goes to purchase said items. Most often the nearest possible, earliest opening shop – hence the preponderance of items which may be found at early opening newsagents and/or late night garages.

‘The Apology Shop’: examples of usage. ‘I’m so sorry that I ate all the sushi that you were going to have for your lunch tomorrow, that small plastic box that was to be the one shining light in your otherwise stressful day. I’m so sorry. I have been to the Apology Shop. Please accept these 47 Twixes as a demonstration of my extreme contrition.’



Apologise? Us? Really?

Oh January, thou are sodden and freezing. But we’re warming things up at R&B towers, starting as we mean to go on, with our tongues firmly in our cheeks. Come join us for a celebration of the apology in all its glories with this incredible lineup. They’re sorry for nothing.




Francesca Beard was born in Malaysia and spent the 70’s growing up in Penang, an idyllic island paradise. Since then, quite frankly, life has been down-hill all the way, but with occasional slow climbs… a bit like mowing a sloping lawn. After a spell in real jobs, she gave it all up to become a fictional character and now exists as a London-based poet, performing spoken word to lucky audiences all over Britain and the World.

She’s been called ‘spine-tingling, witty and narcotic’ (Independent) and ‘The Queen of British Performance Poetry’ (London Metro) She has been writer in residence at the Tower of London, Natural History Museum and Metropolitan Police, has written plays for radio and has been on attachment to the Royal Court Theatre and the BBC as one of the UK’s most promising writers. She is currently working on ’storyverse’, an interactive format for live and on-line participants with B3 Media, supported by Arts Council, England, developed through residencies with Banff Centre, Canada and the Mixed Reality Lab, Nottingham University.





The experimental hip-hop duo comprises of drummer Audrey and rapper Louie. They have been building a solid reputation for their illustrious live shows, inking a new page in an exciting new chapter for Scottish music. With a growing fan base the dynamic duo have drawn comparisons from music journalists as a being like a hybrid of The White Stripes and The Roots “coming down the M8 motorway”.   They approach song writing in quite a unique way. Audrey has explained before that she feels all good songs should be able to stand alone with acoustic guitar and vocal. There is no hiding place at acoustic shows. Hector feel that way about hiphop. A good hip-hop song should be able to grab the attention of an audience through drums and lyricism. They have built a strong following who seem to agree with those principles. We are EXTREMELY excited – and unapologetic – to have them on the R&B stage.

“ The Glaswegian duo don’t miss a line – or beat, There songs contain a sly humour that’s often missing in Scottish hip-hop. “

The Skinny.

“ I’m staggered by their cleverly intricate word play, touching on local issues in a profound way.”

The Scotsman

 “positive, observant and socially smart rhymes are backed up by on the money rhythms that change pace, volume and texture, creating grooves that have the crowd participating with enthusiasm. Audrey puts down a beat on the bass drum that would revive the dead.”

Ravechild review of King Tuts show





Emily Dodd is an award winning author, working as artist, scientist and screenwriter (BBC’s Nina & The Neurons) to bring magic to readers and audiences alike. Her first picture book, Can’t Dance Cameron: A Scottish Capercaille Story was published in September 2014 with Floris Books. She can make balloon animals, and once made a ‘Guess The Poo’ interactive exhibit for an ‘Animal Imagine’ exhibit in Cardiff. She probably won’t be doing that at Rally & Broad. We think.





Christopher is an Edinburgh based singer songwriter, providing folk and ramshackle blues to the masses.






Jess is a rising new voice on the Edinburgh spoken word scene. Part of the 2014 winning team from Edinburgh University at the UK University Slam Championships, and a regular performer with the Loud Poets massive, her words will stir and delight you.


Ours is a cup of chagrin, with a touch of bitters. See ye at the front!


The Hangover Special!

Saturday 28th December @ Stereo, Glasgow. If we’re hosting a Twixmas Show, we’re damn well going to do it in our PJ’s…With added veggie chilli hotdogs and wonderful, provocative, spiky words from Becci Wallace, Sam Small, Leo Glaister, nic e melville and Zara Gladman and The Wee Terrors. xx

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Six Questions for…Paula Varjack and Dan Simpson!

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Paula Varjack and Dan Simpson are the masterminds behind poetry gameshow Never Mind The Fullstops, as well as being poets and performers in their own right. Ahead of their takeover of Rally & Broad on Friday 19th December (The Bongo Club, Edinburgh. 7pm, £7/£5), we asked them a few questions about what to expect…

1. ‘Never Mind The Fullstops’ – whatnow?

Dan: NMTFS is a pop-meets-poetry panel show mash-up.

Paula: We get brilliant poets and performers to play silly games like Poetry Karaoke (singing poems to the tunes of pop songs)…

Dan: … and explore the efforts of celebrities writing poems.

Paula: We’ve seen a lot of James Franco, Britney Spears, Charlie Sheen & Beyonce, to give you an idea!


2. How did all this come about?

Dan: Paula and I have been running The Anti-Slam for a few years now, and love making shows that lovingly ridicule poetry.

Paula: I suggested a panel show-style format…

Dan: … which weirdly was something I had been thinking about for a few years too.

Paula: Then we devised some games and tried it out…

Dan: … and the acts and audiences enjoyed it!

Paula: And the best thing is that it is so much fun to play, having an audience there is like a bonus. It’s the only show I’ve ever done that I would happily play with friends in a living room, although maybe for that there’s slightly too much setting up.


3. And tell us a bit more about yourselves…

Dan: I’m mostly a spoken word poet who likes to put poetry out into the world in interesting ways and to new audiences. This often ends up happening in a comedic way – making people laugh is one of the best and most awesome things to do.

Paula: I’m an artist who is *unfaithful* to any one discipline 🙂 I like working in theatre and film, which sometimes involves spoken word and music. I take myself too seriously at times, so like picking apart all the forms i work with, mashing them up.


4. What do you really not mind?

Dan: I really don’t mind the admin side of being a freelance poet type person – I love me a spreadsheet!

Paula: I don’t mind all the socialising, I feed off of interacting with our audience. I could do with less admin but I can never get enough of making lists.


5. What is something that you really, really do mind, actually, thank you very much?

Dan: I mind that wealth inequality between the super-rich, rich and poor is huge and increasing, and that it’s getting harder and harder for us and the next generation to have genuine security.

Paula: I mind that any talk of inequality and difference can file your work into “issue based”. Talking about your experience is self expression of that experience, end of.


6. Edinburgh at Christmastime. Will you be iceskating?

Dan: So excited to be in Edinburgh at Christmastime (and not there just for the Fringe for a change!). If it’s cold I’m sure there’ll be some impromptu, whisky-fuelled ice skating and skidding down Niddry Street!

Paula: I am really really really bad at ice skating. Its not just a danger to myself but anyone around me on the rink.


See ye on the 19th!

Lightbulbs & Bathtubs…The Eureka Moment, Glasgow!

Photographs from Rally & Broad: The Eureka Moment! at Stereo, Glasgow on Sunday 30 November 2014. All photos credited to Chris Scott – see his Flickr for the full set!

So. This month was all themed around Eureka moments, revelations, epiphanies and…er…lightbulbs. This meant the audience activity for this month (‘Come Learn With Rally & Broad!…’) asked folk to fill in a crossword about electricity, energy and so so […seriously? you guys are so very rock n’ roll…Ed.] and then…er…come up with a limerick. What we forgot to say was that you could then hand the poems in to get a shiny prize. So, no one handed them in. So, we thought we really had just bored the brains out of folk, and no could be arsed. We were so wrong. We found them all at the end. Yous really, REALLY put some work into this. You’re all damn fine people, and we are eejits. We will make amends. In the meantime…they’re printed below in all their glory (as accurate as we could make them..) Thank you! Thank you all!

love, R&B xx

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There was a young man with a taste

For cooking with nuclear waste

For two years or three

He indulged, dearie me

Till the flesh fell from his face.


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 Archy’s lady, in his bath, she lay

Giggling at her image’s golden ray

A voice called ‘Eureka!;

She couldn’t see the speaker

till he fell, translucent, where she lay.

(Siofra, Erfan, Elina, Laura)

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 There once was a girl called Lola

Who extolled the virtues of solar [panels]

Every cunt was like ‘oil!’

She’s like ‘naw, this joint’s gonna boil

think of the bears, polar!’

(Calum R)

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 There once was a man with a power station

Who won a contract to frack the nation

He was the owner of INEOS

The cunt didn’t give a toss

Now Scotland will feel that sinking sensation.


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There was a young woman whose goal

Was to burn up a shitload of coal

On the day she was paid

She bought a big spade

And dug a huge fucking hole.


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There once was a rod of plutonium

Who they thought they were renewable like a harmonium

But tidal and solar called

And said ‘You’re not renewable at all’

………………………………………………….. pandemonium.



And while not strictly a limerick, definitely worth an honourable mention…


Two girls on an adventure train to Glasgow

To watch + listen to the Rally & Broad Show

They said it’s about electricity

And its connectivity

And with a feeling that resonates in its simplicity

Eureka! To the measure of their get up & go

I say bravo!



Thank ye all, and see you on December 28th for ‘The Hangover Special!’